That Gloomy Night


I see a lot of things, about me, about people but I  have never judged them. i should probably start to.

I had this longing that one day there will be that one person who will be my resort and will have space to understand me  apart from his pre- existing understanding. I realized that nobody actually has the time and patience to spend on something other than themselves.

So neither my expectation is wrong nor people’s reality!

how easily people categorize right and wrong but when it comes to them they always find an escape for justification. People close to you start to exhibit weird behavior, you can’t stand them, you feel suffocated in their presence. Nobody understands why, probably you yourself don’t!

People will react to what they  see!Plasticity,Fabrication,Pretentiousness is exactly they wish to see.

I can keep things, I literally can and I want no credit as that is my fundamental nature.

I have always known people to be mean in spite of being always there for them. My mother always warns me to be careful of my “friends”. But I tend to kind of overlook it till date.No matter however much hurt I am, I end up overlooking it.

But Now I guess, I shall have to ponder over a few things.

Danger Danger everywhere, not even a single Real Person exists.

He, of all people I thought would be a little different and understands more than me.Busy pleasing the world but!

I am not a cling, I will never be.

I just don’t belong here anymore.  I badly need to know where I belong because I have had enough.

Apparently people can’t digest real, they will either complain about it or try to change it continuously.

I never expected I would end up being in such a situation where I feel so saturated, so frustrated of being myself. I have always believed in doing well for the good to follow. Never kept myself in more positive light than any other.

 

“Be You!” They say.

“Not like that!” They add.

But I guess “Mean” is the new cool! Everyone is sincerely following the trend. It has probably been like that always.I feel like leaving everything behind and go off to someplace. With no hassles, no drama!

Just Peace, Serenity and nobody to decide the wrong and right.

May be I should just start listening to my mother more often.

Is there an escape? I need one desperately. I seem to be caught up between “to be or not to be” badly.

I am trying to find an exit, but there is no door!

I need my silence to be understood. I need to make it more apparent as to words can mean a lot.

It is one of those times that I have started to feel that no matter whatever you do, however much you do, it doesn’t matter to anyone.

In the end what we have is who we are!

 I have started to have this strange aversion towards people who are highly social. I can’t stand them.

According to me, they can’t prioritize and they live their life pleasing others.

I still believe writing letters is much more fun. Sending someone tissue notes “meet me here” or “call me maybe” still have some spark.

I never wish to be crowded by people. It has always been a “Few but True” thing for me. But apparently I am the odd one out.

Those few, I thought were true were never actually. I am tired of being always there and always being the one who understands.

Since I never set any standards or priorities. Never kept any preferences. Now I realize that I have always been taken for granted. Nobody knows what I want! It’s a good thing though.

 I don’t wish to have fancy phones with me, I still wish I had a typewriter. I am not tech savvy. Call me Old school but I still admire nature, I love dancing in the rain. I like to keep my life personal!

You what that means!

My life is none of your Fucking business.”

 

She thought about this the entire night. And made it worst. She has been feeling weird lately for reasons unknown.

She has never felt like that before for anyone. It’s that person who she actually tries to be herself with. But somewhere something is still not in place.

She makes sure that anything that concerns him doesn’t go unattended. At the same time she also wishes to be carefree. It’s not something she’s choosing it’s something that’s happening out of her control.

 For once, there is clarity! For once there is a defined road. She is just afraid to take it.

She will screw up everything and yet be quiet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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