I have asked myself this question over and over again yet I have not gotten a satisfactory answer. Being an avid reader, I have come across many forms of expressions that provide love with a definition by various individuals but I wasn’t convinced.
Heard Pink’s track “Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There’s no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you”
But naah, I didn’t get any answers. I have grown up knowing that true love is pure,loyal and eternal. I have always been inspired by the 19th century novels where people reflected intricate and sophisticated mannerisms. The talking with the eyes, writing letters, chivalry and so much more has always amused me.
But unfortunately I belong to this era where love has kind of lost it’s meaning,if there was any! additionally, the culture surrounding the institution of marriage has drastically shifted. Marriage is no longer viewed as the highest priority or as a lasting union. It is no longer viewed as an essential step to adulthood, nor is it greatly valued. With these changes in today’s culture, young adults have been allowed to give in to their fears of rejection, responsibility, and mistakes, leaving a generation failing to commit. As much as I hate to admit it, but I belong to the “hanging out” culture.Traditional dating is becoming a thing of the past. Defining a date was not hard long ago: “Men and women went out together on a planned activity, in which most often the man initiated the date, picked the woman up, and paid for any expenses”. It was a culture of courting.Dating to find a partner and then marrying him or her.
Instead of dating, our generation has turned to “hanging out,” which is when mixed groups spend time together in a variety of settings.Dating involves commitments, if only for a few hours. Hanging out requires no commitments. Today’s dating culture is characterized by a lack of commitment.
The fear of rejection is a reasonable fear that has characterized dating for generations. Psychologist Stephen W. Simpson epitomized this fear with a humorous statement:
“Something scares you. It’s not terrorism, economic recession, global warming, or gasoline prices that could hit 10 bucks per gallon by the time you’re done reading this. These things might worry you, but something else makes your palms sweat and your pulse hit triple digits: asking someone out on a date.”
The stereotypical young man of our parents’ generation worked to gather the courage to call a girl and ask her on a date. When he was finally confident enough to ask her out, he would dial her number and hang up several times before finally talking to the young lady. In today’s generation, it is no longer expected that a man must ask a woman out formally. Cell phones and other technology have allowed societal norms to change. Unlike traditional dates, there are rarely formal invitations when college students hang out. This helps to eliminate the possibility of being rejected.
I am back to Square One! my question remains unanswered. What is Love? and what is True Love?
what I perceive is that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” This verse describes the characteristics of true love. The problem with trying to “find” love in our dating lives, is that too often we don’t look for these characteristics. Rather we look at physical appearance, popularity, or wealth.
Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love.
Sex is not love! Our culture has taught us that sex and love are one in the same. This is a lie. Sex is a beautiful God-given activity that is wonderful when practiced within certain boundaries.It is the completion of the binding of two people within Biblical marriage; it is a God-given gift.Because sex is not love, it only leads to pain and disappointment for those who are seeking that love. The Bible says that when two people are married, they become one flesh. Sex is consummation of that union. When two people break off their relationship after having sex, it is like ripping apart flesh. This is why two teenagers will struggle so much and become so dependent on those they give their bodies to.
I am not advocating the culture here,I am only trying to say that though I agree it’s a personal choice but the choice shouldn’t be worth giving regrets. Be mature enough to bear the consequences of your choices and don’t blame it on to anyone.
SO WHAT’S THE MORAL?
I don’t like those type of questions much, they are too vague.
What answer do you expect? No one can decide this! For every culture, place and historic era “love” means something different, it is expressed in different ways. Leave aside “true love”.
To contribute with something from sociology – Erich Fromm was interested in what is “true love” in sense what is the “right love”. One of his basic ideas is that we either tend to “have” or to “be”.
Having is consuming, possessing, makes you less active in mind etc.
Being is, in his view, rather unselfish, living, enjoying, truly experiencing the reality.
The right way to love then is not “having” the other one, it is “being” with him/her and letting them be free as well.Love is what holds you together when life tears you apart. Love is amongst the few things in the world that makes life worth living. It is one of the most strongest emotion that a human being is capable of feeling. Love is when other person’s happiness, other person’s dreams, other person’s aspirations, other person’s problems become your own. There is no separation between you and the other person. Love is when you see someone’s face and instantly know what they are feeling. There is this telepathic connection that binds all the people that are in love. Love is the foundation of any happy relationship.
I think Robert Heinlein put it beautifully “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
It seems to be only rational thing left in the universe. True love is attachment without the need of possession. Love is that special feeling in your gut, love is when you can feel your own heart beating on the sight of your lover. Love is when you spend all you time thinking about that person. Love is when you will travel all over the globe just to get a glimpse of the person you love. Love is when you stare at your smartphone all day long hoping that the person that you love will send a message that says that the person is doing okay. True love is always selfless and does not demand reciprocation from the other person.
And I’ll tell you what, Live Love Laugh and Read as much as you can.:)
Happy July 🙂